Heather Madder - The Coach for Changemakers

Small Things Add Up to Great Results…Just do ONE Thing at a Time

Posted: October 20, 2011

Today, I am in total gratitude. I have felt a little teary-eyed at the gifts that just keep flowing towards me. I love how life is like that, how it just gives and gives to us and we do nothing for these amazing things, but we are taken care of in so many ways that we don’t even realize.

Twenty months ago, I had no real email list, no business cards (that said anything people would understand and no clients of my own. Today, that is much, much different.

I recently checked my registrations for Moms with a Mission and we have over 200+ planning on attending this over-the-phone training next week.

(Take a peak at the Videos for Moms with a Message here!)

There are a stream of Facebook comments under the video from some people I know and many that I do not know who listen to the calls before and are excited about coming again.

Wow. I feel like crying. I am so proud of all of these women who see the value in who they are…at home and in the world.

I never thought that a small-town, stay at home mom like me would be training people all over the country in this way. (The best thing is that I’ll be at home doing it virtually!) I feel like we are somehow a group of people banding together, bonding together, to create a movement of power, spirit-filled, purpose driven women…who take ACTION.

In this journey, I have seen how small, regular deposits add up. I have learned the freedom of living my life one day at a time, one task at a time, and how to insert my “business” into the regular flow of my life. An email here, a call here, a seminar there…and it amounts to truly beautiful things.

Often, it doesn’t seem like I am doing that much…and sometimes it feels like it’s just not going to be enough…but with a deep love, a lot of passion and some action steps…small things build great results.

Last night is a perfect example. I went to Walmart to get my daughter a new scooter for school, and some ‘blood capsules’ for my son who has been dying for this Halloween accessory. Then I went to parent-teacher conferences at the school, Boy Scouts at the church, and then hopped over to a networking event in Scottsdale.

I showed up for the last five minutes of the event–that was all I had. I was walking in just as some were pouring down the stairs to leave. In my mind I said, “I always show up right on time where ever I am.” (This belief help eliminate stress and guilt

In the next 20 minutes, here is what happened. I met the founder of Mom-E (mom-entrepreneurs) Networking Group–Tisha Pelletier–who I’ve wanted to meet for a long time–and invited me to do a webinar for their members. I met another women who runs a jewelry business who is going to send emails out about my upcoming trainings for her company’s down-line associates. The organizer of the networking event, Tara Holling, from Entreprenista and I planned chat today about coordinating an event together for Women Entrepreneurs in Phoenix (probably November 16th!)

Not bad for 20 minutes….and it all happened right inside the flow of my family life.

Big things never start out as big things. They are just ONE THING at a TIME.

That’s it. That is the only way anything has ever been built–one brick at a time. So stop stressing about the future and making a big, huge business. If you put so much pyschological weight on your passion, you’ll get a headache and you’ll walk around stressed out and burdened (And who wants to work with that kind of energy?) Goals are GREAT–but they are constructed in your mind, and the future usually changes.

Focus on TODAY. What can I do right now that will produce results? Take those action steps and then let go of stress and worry about what will happen.

If you do that over and over and over again, investigating the fruit, making your motions better, and following a natural course of growth for your passion….you’ll look back a few years from now and be amazed here you’ve landed….by just taking ONE STEP…and then ANOTHER.

Be grateful for each moment, each phase of your creation and every person involved–they ALL matter.

If you take productive action (with a peaceful heart) ONE DAY AT A TIME, amazing things will occur.

Miracles–every day.

If You Think People Need You…You’re Creating Problems

Posted: October 15, 2011

One of the secret places that my ego has hidden itself has been in the “I am here to help you” syndrome of my early thirties.

And my twenties. And now that I’m thinking about it, I’m pretty sure I was like that as a teenager, too. Okay, okay, until the Spring of this year, I was still it’s prisoner.

Here I was the big, strong, smart chicky momma with all the answers swooping down to help the little guy. The friend, the neighbor, the sister–everyone got my advice, much of it was just verbally vomitted onto any live person in a twenty foot radius. Even the Mc Donald’s cashier couldn’t hide from my unsolicited “help” as I’d begin to ask them about their “dream job” and ask what might be in their way of achieving it.

“Listen lady, do you want super size that or not?“ Poor guy just wanted to hand me a box of french fries, not have his whole existence analyzed by a stranger.

Blah. Makes me want to laugh, and throw-up in my mouth a little. Now that I’ve been on this road a while longer, I’ve learned some principles that have brought me tremendous peace and I’m sure “helped” others a lot more than the other way.

Here’s some very straight talk for Changemakers…

1. If YOU want change for a person more than THEY want it…you are out of alignment. This is YOU playing way out of bounds. People can only authentically change when it’s what THEY want for themselves, and not until.

2. There is nothing you can do to save another person. You can help people out sometimes–take over dinner, lighten their load, clear their energy field, you can listen to their pain for awhile, but ALL true change COMES from WITHIN. Unless a person’s desire to change comes from inside of them, and they are ACTING on it, anything you do will only be cosmetic and temporary. If YOU are confused about that in any way, THEY will also be confused. Relationships where ONE PERSON is trying to save ANOTHER person usually end up in resentment from one or both parties. Because that agreement began in dysfunction, it usually ends in dysfunction.

3. Life teaches us and God has Everyone on the Radar Life takes care of us more than we realize. It leads us along to the next point of learning, and we can never escape our own tutoring. I loved hearing my friend whom I’ll call Mark, tell me a story about how he had listened to a man for hundreds of hours talk about how this man’s wife was addicted to drugs. Over and over and over Mark had told this man to step away from his wife’s dysfunction (not realizing that my friend really wanted his own advice One night, this man ended up spending a night in jail because of the madness of his drug addicted wife. One night in jail woke him up more than all of the hours combined that my friend had poured into the relationship–with no results. God loved the man more than Mark loved the man, and LIFE had been his teacher. It teaches us all of us, right on time.

4. When Someone Changes, THEY are the ONES who DO it, not you. I love it that when people thank me now for the work they think that I have done for them, because I don’t get caught in the trap of congratulating myself, too. I always smile because inside I know the real truth. THEY DID IT! They attracted the teaching, the coaching, the book, or whatever…They Listened to it. They took action. They got the results. So, really, they are the ones that they get to thank and often I THANK THEM for the change THEY brought into the world. I really didn’t “do” anything. I am just living. I am living my life naturally each day, each moment, each breath, in a way that feels right to me. That’s the only thing I congratulate myself for.

So…now that we’ve outlined some boundaries in this whole Changemaker thing (and what not to do) what is a Good Game Plan for us TO DO?

There is really ONE thing on which to focus.

LIVE and CONNECT to SPIRIT. Every day there is just ONE PLAN. Open your eyes, find your God Source, & follow that Source each moment.

When you find Divine Source and connect to it, the Source lives THROUGH You.

The Source speaks the words. It breathes through the body. It moves through the day. When the mind becomes silent, the infinite wisdom of the Source has room to speak. Every moment is filled with wonder of what comes next. It knows when to answer the phone and when to let it ring. It tells you when to hold the child and when to let them play alone while you write the next article. It tells you when to give $100 to the homeless person and when to walk by and just send love.

The Source knows it all and guides it all, and the more that You (the ego-ic “I”) dissolve, the more space you clear for the Source to find a home in you.

The Source is what does the perfect work through us, and saves and inspires and when we are at ONE with it, we have no need to save others or be “thanked.”

We are just happy because we are.

Reborn Today

Posted: October 12, 2011

I have just been born this day.

It is as though I have never existed before Now. Everything is new again, everything is alive with Joy, and with L-I-F-E. There is no past in my mind. There are no post regrets, no such thing as mistakes. If I have been here before now, I have been a vessel on a river carrying my forward living as one thing, living for one thing; Learning.

I would say that I had forgiven all my debtors, but I don’t remember having any. If anyone caused harm to me, it was not to me, but to themselves and I wish them peace and freedom.

I would say that I had forgiven myself of my debts, but I can’t remember them.

I only have NOW. This moment, sitting outside as the sun rises into the sky, in the fresh Fall air, with the distant sound of a bird alerting us that it’s almost here.

The Day. The Sun. A new Life.

Here I Am.

Taming the Boa Constrictor To Do List…And My Puppy ate Our Underwear

Posted: October 11, 2011

I’m sitting at Liberty Market in Old Town Gilbert, Arizona with the smell of gourmet french fries wafting all around me.

Not so great for the health commitment I recently adopted to address the five pounds I gained during the launch of a new company and a subsequent vacation to Lake Powell.

I don’t think the famous chocolate “Salt River Bar” I just ordered will help it much either. oh well.

It’s a Friday afternoon, so I’m out in the community in a new place soaking in the sights, sounds, (and smells!) of the city around me.

It’s Creation Friday.

This is the day where I create new articles, content, or record fun, spontaneous videos for my friends of my company.

I love Creation Fridays. It’s a wrap up to a work week and a mental unwind before I immerse myself into the full-time experience of “Madder Maddness” called the weekend; which is basically when we all hang out together and get a whole lot of stuff done.

At the top of the To-Do List is to buy a dozen pair of socks for my kids, along with 10 pair of underwear. This would be due to the casualties of the abandoned puppy we tried to adopt and train, which didn’t work out. (She had a weird thing for underwear.) Now that she found a nice new home with my office manager Ruth Reyes (she is amazing) and the carpets are freshly cleaned again, the last thing to do is replace the personals that looked like shredded bits of Swiss cheese when we threw them in the trash.

I’ve glanced at my to-do list, and I see about 36 more things on it, each of them ideally to be accomplished in the next 48 hours.

Who created this madness?

Oh, yeah….she’s the one with a mouthful of chocolate, slurping down one Coke Zero after another (yes, my natural healer friends, I am addicted–send me all the herbs, vitamins, and oils you have

Sometimes, I feel like this “to-do list” is a boa constrictor strangling the life out of me. It goes on and on and on and on and on and on and on …. foreeeeeeeverrr.

No matter how much I run full speed to take it down one day, it’s always grows back the SAME LENGTH the next day.

It’s like it resurrects itself spontaneously through the night…

Like the bad guy they just keep shooting that doesn’t ever die.

Like my puppy that chewed holes in every single pair of underwear that hit the floor in our house. (Left the shirts, shorts, and pants alone mind you) And would never ever quit.

Seriously. We have seen the enemy. And the enemy is…The L-I-S-T.

The list holds me hostage with false promises. Like, “When you get it all checked off, you’ll be happier.” Oh, the lies…When I get it all done (which has never happened) I’m just tired and crave television.

The LIST tells me that very very very bad things will happen if I don’t do each task.

Here are a few taunting me recently…

**Helping my son turn in the final of 5 pages of spelling homework.
**Writing a paragraph for my community newsletter about a service event.
**Following up on a $20 product a client purchased 5 months ago we never received an order for.
**There were 2 crickets in the kitchen…More pest control?
**Figure out why the Virtual Assistant can’t upload the new videos to You Tube.

—————-

That’s 2% glimpse of the boa constrictor. I’ll spare you the rest.

So, here’s my new game plan.

I’m going to cut off the head so it can’t lie to me anymore and tell me that I’ll be happier when it’s all accomplished. Because I won’t be.

I’m either happy and peaceful N-O-W. Or I’m not.

I can be HAPPY when I do EACH task…or unhappy.
Period. NOW is where happiness is at, never LATER.
Especially since there is no later. (Please see Eckhart Tolle for more on this)

Next, I’m going to lop off a whole section of the body and say 10% of this is just never going to get done. It’s just not.

“Sorry, Mrs. W, you’re going to get 4 of 5 spelling pages this week. That’s all the Madd Madder’s have got right now.”

Yes, on the video uploading and the office manager can handle the product follow up. “No” on the crickets. Winter is coming. They’ll die off, or call their friends for dinner. Either way, we’ll survive.

Then, I’m going to take this huge enormous snake off my neck and stop taking it all so seriously.

Life. Business. Family–THIS gets to be F-U-N!

This is an adventure and I’m here for a memorable, exciting ride of love and learning. I’m no slave to accomplishments for pretend pay offs that don’t exist.

I want to LIVE…Now.

It will all get done in it’s own time. There are many many slots in my schedule for this list, but not e-v-e-r-y single minute of the day. So, I’m just going to tuck this little Gardner snake back into my purse and pull it out again later. I think I’ll order some fries at LIBERTY MARKET (love the name!) and talk to the table next to me because one of the women is actually singing in this restaurant for no apparent reason and I want to meet these gorgeous, random people.

If I don’t do this for myself, who else is going to stand up and actually experience this ride for me?

I AM the only one here to do it…with or without underwear.

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Should Teenagers be on Facebook?

Posted: October 10, 2011

I am somewhat non-traditional in many ways…since birth, I believe I asked the question WHY… to pretty much everything that came across my path.

So, I’ve kind of become the mom who doesn’t enforce a lot of social rules on my kids. If they don’t have a legitimate reason I can see, I leave it alone. For example, I don’t not chastise my kids for saying what they think, how they feel, or what they want….even if I don’t agree with it or even if people call it “rude.” As long as they are not “rude” to other people, I am a big supporter of free expression.

One of my friends said something to the effect that it was amazing how socially functional, well behaved, and maturely progressed my kids are with so few social rules Maybe this has a lot to do with their father (who is very well behaved in public and every where else) or maybe it’s because they’ve absorbed other teachings besides “rules” that dictate their behavior. Either way…they are totally amazing, absolutely awesome, very cool, people that I love to be with.

But recently, there is one “rule” that I’ve stood beside in our home for reasons I’ll share below.

Is it useful for them to be on Facebook?

I’m reaching out to my online community here from a perspective wider than my in person circle. What do you think and what is your experience? I’m quite a fan of internet connections because a good portion of my life and my income runs on it…but what is the maturity level required for a person to navigate themselves online in healthy ways?

Tonight at dinner over a pot of homemade stew and garlic bread, my two teenage boys (ages 15 & 13) proceeded to tell my husband and I that outside of 2 other people they know, they are the only disadvantaged kids in the neighborhood. (All this after a trip to Lake Powell and in the midst of planning a four wheeling trip over Fall break.)

Here are my top 3 considerations that have kept them on the side of “serious” disadvantage, but I’ve never had experience so, I’ll share them with you and I’m asking in return, that YOU REPLY so that I can gain a wider perspective.

1. False sense of relationships? It is easy to hide behind technology and get “lost” in the web of white screens and black key boards and not really interact with LIVE people. I mean, even I have to remind myself that 3600 “friends’ are not real friends until we actually know each other and exchange at least a conversation if not a homemade apple pie (just kidding on that one)

2. Non-useful Connections? Quite frankly, I get hit on quite a bit on Facebook. It’s easy for me to delete those connections and not respond, but this is a totally new world for my kids. I kind of want these two very good looking, confident, athletic, popular teenage boys to have a clear enough space to develop a mind and emotional maturity to handle the decisions that WILL come to them. Those decisions are coming, yes. That’s just a fact. Clearing a space for them a little longer feels good to me.

3. Opportunity Cost of time? With friends, scouts, soccer, school, friends, and the budding interest of girls “in person” I want their faces in LIFE as much as possible and not on a computer.

Ironic that I’m asking my ONLINE community of friends about this, but what is your experience…

At the moment, my husband and I have decided to have them wait until they are 16 to join what really is the coolest, most amazing, fastest growing social networking experience that has ever existed, (Thank you Mark Z.)

Am I archaic? Are their uses to this that I’m not seeing?

Thanks for sharing!

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